The “F” word: Why We Can’t Avoid it

No, not that “F” word; I mean “F” as in FEELINGS! Many people come to therapy for problems related to their feelings and emotions. Maybe they have been feeling more sad or worried than usual (Depression or Anxiety). Perhaps they are feeling numb or overwhelmed. Many people just want a feeling to go away or to stop. Even if these pesky feelings brought people to therapy, it is also super common for people to not have the vocabulary to talk about them. While one little blog post is not going to suddenly solve this for you, some basic understanding can help!

First, what is the difference between emotions and feelings? It might seem like these are the same thing, but there is a subtle difference. Emotions refer to the physiological sensations in our bodies that occur in reaction to a stimulus. For example, you might go to a party and see an old classmate who bullied you. In response, you might notice discomfort in your body, as your stomach seems to clench, your face flushes, and you start to sweat. This discomfort is the emotion. In contrast, feelings are the label that we give when we combine these physiological sensations with our thoughts. You might notice your reaction to seeing your own classmate and label the feeling as anxious or embarrassed. The labeling is an important part of the feeling because the physiological sensations can be similar for different feelings. For example, you might have the same stomach clenching, face flushing, and sweating if a person you were romantically interested in showed up at the party, but you might label the feeling as as excited or nervous instead.

Now that we understand the difference between emotions and feelings, we can come back to why this matters. Again, many people come to therapy because they want their feelings to change, to be less anxious, depressed, grief-stricken, scared, stressed, angry, or whatever. At its very heart, we can’t change something that we don’t understand. First, we seek to understand our feelings and emotions. Then, therapy can help you to accept them, move through them, and sometimes change them.